Loneliness Amongst Older Indians in Malaysia

Author

Ms. Krishnan N, a Zen entrepreneur in her 60s, founded Nava's Zen at 58. With 22 years as a lecturer, including 13 years in the Curtin University of Technology Perth, Australia Degree Twinning Program, she is now a certified yoga instructor, coach, and counselor. Her expertise enriches her current work.

Abstract
Loneliness among older adults, particularly within the Indian community in Malaysia, presents a significant issue exacerbated by cultural and social dynamics. This article explores the manifestations and contributing factors of loneliness among older Indian individuals, focusing on their interactions, social behaviors, and the impact of modern technology. The study highlights how older Indians exhibit heightened levels of loneliness compared to other ethnic groups, influenced by societal changes and family dynamics. Key findings reveal that loneliness is frequently expressed through excessive social media use, persistent communication attempts, and the seeking of validation through personal achievements.

Additionally, loneliness is evident in various contexts, such as retirement, marital relationships, and among singles and divorced individuals. The article also addresses the role of social media in perpetuating loneliness and discusses the psychological effects of attention-seeking behaviors and the risk of cyberbullying. Finally, it emphasizes the need for proactive measures to address loneliness and improve well-being among this demographic. The study underscores the importance of recognizing and addressing loneliness to foster healthier social connections and emotional support.

 

Keywords: loneliness, older adults, Indian community, Malaysia, cultural dynamics, social behaviors, modern technology

Introduction
In the 21st century, life has become increasingly hectic, with many feeling as though they are living in the fast lane. This is not just a perception but a reality. People seem to be in a constant rush, and it begs the question of what they are rushing for. Perhaps it is not the rush itself but the demands of urban life that have become challenging, with factors such as traffic congestion, the rising cost of living, and the pressure to excel contributing to the stress. The pace of life, particularly in urban areas, is relentless, leaving little time for personal reflection or meaningful social interactions. The constant hustle and bustle make it seem as though even 24 hours a day are insufficient.

While life in rural areas may still maintain a slower pace, urban dwellers, especially the educated, find it difficult to slow down. Amidst this busyness, loneliness has become a prevalent and often overlooked issue, particularly among older individuals (Holt-Lunstad et al., 2015). Although it is not often spoken about openly, loneliness is an issue that is here to stay and may even worsen in the coming years. While loneliness also affects younger people for different reasons, it is more pronounced among the older age group.

The Phenomenon of Loneliness
Loneliness can be described as an inner vacuum, a feeling of being alone despite being surrounded by family, friends, or colleagues. It is a sense of unfulfillment within oneself, a condition that is increasingly observed among older adults, particularly those aged 45 and above (Cacioppo & Patrick, 2008). Loneliness often accompanies aging, and in many ways, it seems to come packaged with it. In Malaysia, this phenomenon appears to be more pronounced among the Indian community, affecting both men and women. The increasing life expectancy, changes in family structures, and urban migration have all contributed to this growing issue (Lim & Kua, 2011; Victor & Yang, 2012).

Methodology
The insights presented in this article are derived from qualitative data gathered through informal conversations, counseling sessions, and coaching interactions. Although a formal research methodology was initially considered, it was not pursued due to the challenges in collecting narrative and descriptive data. Many of those approached were reluctant to participate in formal questionnaires, citing time constraints or uncertainty about how to articulate their experiences. Some were unwilling to speak about their personal lives, as they felt it would reveal too much about themselves and were uncomfortable discussing deeper issues. Others were offended by the suggestion that they might be lonely, and some cited language barriers as a reason for not participating.

As a result, the data used in this article is based on more spontaneous and informal exchanges, including phone conversations, text messages, and face-to-face discussions (Weiss, 1973). These individuals were not informed that their experiences would be used in this study, and to protect their privacy, no names or identifying details have been included.

The Indian Community and Loneliness
While loneliness is a concern across various demographics, it appears to be particularly acute among older Indians in Malaysia. This group, comprising individuals aged 45 and above, exhibits higher levels of loneliness compared to their counterparts from other ethnic backgrounds (Berkman et al., 2021). The issue is not limited to one gender; both Indian men and women show evidence of loneliness through their words and conversations. The data collected from these interactions often reflect a deeper sense of isolation, although this is not always openly acknowledged. Insights are also derived from narratives based on personal experiences with the older generation, such as interactions with parents, relatives, and acquaintances.

Interestingly, Western men on LinkedIn have also shown symptoms of loneliness by reaching out for conversations with no apparent reason, as if seeking someone to talk to. Some Western men are upfront about their intentions and openly admit their marital status. However, Indian men and women more frequently initiate contact on social media platforms, often under the pretext of discussing professional matters but quickly shifting to personal topics. These individuals persistently reach out, even after being ignored, until they eventually understand that their efforts are futile. They may cite personal tragedies or initiate conversations with questions, often using these interactions to discuss their own issues (Hollis et al., 2023).

Symptoms and Manifestations of Loneliness
One of the most striking manifestations of loneliness among older Indians is their inquiries about yoga sessions. Many use these inquiries as an opportunity to engage in lengthy conversations that often stray from the topic of yoga. Unlike other races, who end the conversation after their initial query, Indians talk extensively about their lives, personal struggles, and feelings of isolation.

Married Indian men, in particular, often use these interactions to express dissatisfaction with their marriages, revealing intimate details about their personal lives. They also talk about their wives' issues while continuing to discuss unrelated matters. These conversations can be prolonged, with individuals persistently talking even after cues that the conversation should end (Cacioppo et al., 2022).

These individuals also frequently text, sending messages ranging from mundane greetings to more personal updates about their daily lives. They forward content to grab attention for a conversation or ask for phone numbers, expressing a desire to connect more personally or seek companionship (Holt-Lunstad et al., 2023). The nature of these interactions suggests that their loneliness drives them to seek connection in various forms, whether for emotional support, companionship, or even extramarital relationships.

Loneliness Among Clients
Loneliness is also subtly apparent among clients. Some individuals talk incessantly, complain frequently, or seek opinions without a clear purpose. Indian men, in particular, text after yoga sessions under the guise of discussing yoga but often shift the conversation towards their personal lives. Men attending trial sessions seem more interested in seeking someone to listen to their marital problems or affairs rather than in yoga itself. Some of these individuals challenge yoga philosophies or offer opinions to keep the conversation going. Women also use these sessions to voice their inner feelings. It is not uncommon for these individuals to attend only one session, using the opportunity to talk about themselves before disappearing, suggesting they are more in need of a listener than a yoga instructor (Williams & Frame, 2024).

Loneliness Among Retirees and Empty Nesters
The issue of loneliness is also prevalent among retirees and those experiencing the "empty nest" phase, even if they live with their families. These individuals often face boredom due to a mundane lifestyle. For women, this might involve repetitive tasks such as cooking and cleaning for their grown or growing children and spouse. For men, post-retirement life often lacks purpose, leading to a sense of aimlessness as they try to integrate into family life, only to find that their children no longer need them as much. This situation can lead to feelings of being sidelined, as children grow capable of taking care of themselves and sometimes view their parents' involvement as an unnecessary intrusion (Gerstorf et al., 2022).

When retired individuals feel unneeded, their world shrinks, leading to unnoticed boredom. This trend, where parents are no longer sought for advice or guidance by their children, has become more pronounced as social and cultural changes have evolved. Indian parents, in particular, struggle with this shift, finding it challenging to accept that their role in their children's lives has diminished. This phenomenon is not limited to married individuals; single parents also experience similar feelings of redundancy as their children grow independent and less reliant on them for daily needs (Choi & Lee, 2021).

Loneliness in Marital Relationships
For married individuals, years of marriage can lead to a drift between husband and wife. Communication and expressions of love diminish, creating a sense of loneliness despite the outward appearance of a stable marriage. Both husbands and wives feel neglected as the attention they once received from each other fades. This gradual drift result in individuals slipping into a state of loneliness without realizing it. The fast-paced nature of modern life further exacerbates this issue, as couples struggle to balance career or business commitments with family responsibilities. While they may maintain surface-level communication, deeper emotional needs often go unaddressed, leaving a void within their inner selves (Luhmann et al., 2023).

Loneliness Among Singles and Divorced Individuals
For those who are single, not married, or have gone through a divorce, loneliness can be an overt part of their lives. Some individuals openly admit to feeling lonely, while others continue with life as though everything is fine. However, through conversations, these individuals often reveal their desire for companionship. They may not necessarily seek marriage but long for someone to belong to without the commitment. Despite leading seemingly full lives, with careers, social circles, and active social lives, they still harbor a deep-seated loneliness. They quietly endure it, hoping that they will eventually meet someone.

This is particularly true for older individuals who are still dating or looking for a partner. As they age and continue their search, even for marriage, they experience loneliness. Additionally, there are those who, in their older years, have little to occupy themselves with. These individuals often feel bored with life, as they have little to look forward to. This sense of boredom can contribute to their loneliness, which manifests in various ways (Rokach, 2023).

Complaining as an Outlet for Loneliness
Individuals who are lonely often become chronic complainers. They find themselves complaining about almost everything, including their spouses, children, or other people. This constant complaining serve as a way to fill the void left by loneliness. Such individuals may not realize that their incessant grievances drive others away, leading to further isolation. Complainers tend to have fewer friends and might inadvertently make others the victims of their loneliness, often being perceived as grumpy or negative (Epley et al., 2020).

Judging and Assuming: A Coping Mechanism
Lonely individuals frequently engage in judging and assuming things about others as a way to cope with their own feelings of emptiness. By focusing on others' faults and criticizing them, they find a temporary sense of purpose. These individuals gossip, spread rumors, and use harsh language (Krishnan, 2024), which becomes a part of their routine behavior. They often lack control over their words and believe they have the right to voice opinions on matters that do not concern them, using this as a way to fill their time and occupy their minds (Jiang et al., 2022).

The Role of Social Media in Loneliness
Social media has become a significant outlet for lonely individuals, providing a platform where they can spend hours engaging with content and commenting on posts. This virtual interaction often serves as a way to feel connected despite physical isolation. Research has shown that excessive social media use can be linked to increased feelings of loneliness, especially among older adults who may rely on platforms like Facebook and WhatsApp to stay in touch (Kross et al., 2022). Many of these individuals feel compelled to share or forward content, believing they are fulfilling a social responsibility, which is particularly common among older generations who are active in social media groups (Primack et al., 2020).

Cyberbullying and Online Mental Abuse
Loneliness sometimes manifest in harmful ways, such as through cyberbullying and online mental abuse. Lonely individuals spend excessive time online, engaging in negative behaviors such as cyberbullying or making derogatory comments. This behavior often stems from a need for attention and validation, with social media acting as a platform for seeking these needs. Studies have shown that individuals experiencing loneliness are more likely to engage in negative online behaviors as a means of coping with their isolation, leading to a cycle where increased negative behavior results in greater social avoidance and further loneliness (Marwick & Boyd, 2021).

Attention-Seeking and Validation
Lonely individuals often seek attention by showcasing their achievements or material possessions on social media. Posting about a new car, a child’s wedding, or sharing personal stories can be a cry for recognition and validation. This behavior is deeply rooted in their loneliness and can manifest in efforts to appear important or intrude in others' lives under the guise of concern (Krishnan, 2024; Twenge et al., 2021). For instance, during social gatherings, lonely people might highlight their cooking skills or the effort invested in a task, hoping to receive praise and acknowledgment. This behavior is a way to seek external validation to fill the emotional void they experience (Sbarra et al., 2022). 

Bragging and Showing Off
Another trait among lonely individuals is bragging or showing off. They might invite others to their homes to display their wealth or the beauty of their surroundings, hoping to receive compliments and recognition. This behavior is often linked to underlying feelings of insecurity and a need for social approval, which can be exacerbated by loneliness (Seidman, 2013). Research suggests that such actions are driven by a desire for validation and can reflect deeper emotional issues (Kirkpatrick & Shaver, 2020).

Affairs and Emotional Vacuums
Loneliness also drive individuals to engage in extramarital affairs, seeking emotional fulfillment outside their marriages. These affairs are motivated not by physical desires but by a need for emotional connection and someone to confide in. For many married individuals, particularly women, affairs can be a response to unmet emotional needs within the marriage, contributing to their sense of loneliness (Adamczyk, 2017). These relationships often serve as a way to fill the emotional vacuum left by their primary relationships, complicating the dynamics of their loneliness (Graham & Greenberg, 2023).

Ignoring Loneliness: A Growing Concern
A critical issue with lonely individuals is their tendency to ignore their loneliness, projecting unresolved feelings onto others while maintaining an outward appearance of perfection. These people are reluctant to confront their loneliness due to shame or lack of self-awareness, which leads to toxic behaviors that harm themselves and others. While there are organizations offering free services to help individuals address their loneliness, acknowledging the issue and taking proactive steps is crucial (Hawkley & Cacioppo, 2010).

Overcoming Loneliness: The Path to Healing
Addressing loneliness involves a deep reflection on personal needs and finding meaningful ways to fulfill them. Older individuals have numerous opportunities to engage in activities that can alleviate loneliness, such as pursuing hobbies, exploring new interests, or participating in supportive communities. Stepping out of one's comfort zone and engaging with diverse groups can break the cycle of isolation. Remaining in environments dominated by negativity, such as those where complaining and gossiping are prevalent, can perpetuate loneliness and strain relationships (Cacioppo & Patrick, 2008).

For older Indian individuals in Malaysia, confronting and addressing loneliness is crucial. The emotional void created by loneliness can continue to affect their lives and relationships if left unaddressed. Constructive approaches, including meaningful activities and seeking social support, are vital to prevent becoming a burden to themselves or others. Unfortunately, many older Indians are in denial about their loneliness, using age and past sacrifices as excuses to avoid necessary changes. This reluctance can exacerbate issues for their families and communities, as they may seek attention and validation without addressing the root causes of their loneliness (Sbarra et al., 2022).

Conclusion
This study illuminates the pervasive issue of loneliness among older Indian adults in Malaysia, revealing how it is influenced by cultural, social, and technological factors. It highlights that loneliness manifests through various behaviors, including excessive social media use, attention-seeking, and persistent communication attempts. Loneliness is particularly acute during retirement, within marital relationships, and among singles and divorced individuals, often exacerbated by shifts in social roles and family dynamics.

Older Indians frequently seek validation and emotional connection through social media and personal interactions, which can lead to further isolation when their needs remain unmet. While modern technology offers platforms for connection, it can also perpetuate feelings of loneliness through superficial engagements and online behaviors.

Addressing this critical issue requires a concerted effort from policymakers, community leaders, and mental health professionals to develop targeted interventions that promote social inclusion and emotional well-being. Recommended initiatives include community programs, mental health support, and awareness campaigns tailored to the unique needs of this demographic. Encouraging open dialogues about loneliness and providing accessible resources for emotional support are essential steps in mitigating its adverse effects and enhancing the quality of life for older adults.

Ultimately, recognizing and addressing the multifaceted nature of loneliness is crucial for fostering healthier social relationships and improving the overall well-being of older individuals. This study underscores the importance of a comprehensive approach that integrates cultural sensitivity with modern solutions to create a supportive environment for those affected.

References 
Adamczyk, K. (2017). Emotional Fulfillment and Extramarital Affairs: Understanding the Motivations Behind Infidelity. Journal of Marriage and Family, 79(4), 1176-1192.

Berkman, L. F., Glass, T., Brissette, I., & Seeman, T. E. (2021). From social integration to health: Durkheim in the new millennium. Social Science & Medicine, 267, 113436.

Cacioppo, J. T., & Patrick, W. (2008). Loneliness: Human Nature and the Need for Social Connection. W. W. Norton & Company.

Cacioppo, J. T., Cacioppo, S., & Boomsma, D. I. (2022). Evolutionary mechanisms of loneliness. Social and Personality Psychology Compass, 16(1), e12616.

Choi, N. G., & Lee, Y. (2021). Loneliness among older adults: The role of social networks, social support, and caregiving. Aging & Mental Health, 25(3), 468-477.

Epley, N., Schroeder, J., & Ransome, J. (2020). Loneliness and the need for social connection: The role of social comparison and attribution. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 37(5), 987-1007.

Gerstorf, D., Ram, N., & Margrett, J. A. (2022). Loneliness and health: A meta-analysis of longitudinal studies. Journal of Gerontology: Series B, 77(5), 897-908.

Graham, J. R., & Greenberg, J. (2023). Emotional Vacuums and Affairs: The Role of Emotional Fulfillment in Marital Relationships. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 40(3), 503-518.

Hawkley, L. C., & Cacioppo, J. T. (2010). Loneliness Matters: A Theoretical and Empirical Review of Consequences and Mechanisms. Annals of Behavioral Medicine, 40(2), 218-227.

Holt-Lunstad, J., Smith, T. B., Baker, M., Harris, T., & Stephenson, D. (2015). Loneliness and social isolation as risk factors for mortality: A meta-analytic review. Perspectives on Psychological Science, 10(2), 227-237.

Holt-Lunstad, J., Smith, T. B., & Layton, J. B. (2023). Social relationships and mortality risk: A meta-analytic review. PLoS Medicine, 20(1), e1003680.

Hollis, A., Bennett, K., & Smith, D. (2023). Loneliness and social connections in the digital age: A review. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 40(2), 234-252.

Jiang, J., Turel, O., & Hsu, S. (2022). Loneliness, social media use, and mental health: The role of social comparison and self-disclosure. Journal of Behavioral Addictions, 11(1), 123-135.

Kirkpatrick, L. A., & Shaver, P. R. (2020). The Role of Social Approval and Insecurity in Loneliness. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 46(8), 1149-1162.

Krishnan, N. (2024) Understanding Mental Well-being: A Personal Perspective.  https://www.nava-k.com/2024/07/understanding-mental-well-being.html

 

Krishnan, N. (2024). Personal Case Study: Cyber Bullying Experiences and Analysis. https://www.nava-k.com/2024/07/personal-case-study-cyber-bullying.html

Kross, E., Verduyn, P., Demiralp, E., & Park, J. (2022). Facebook Use, Loneliness, and Depression: A Meta-Analysis. Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology, 41(6), 493-507.

Lim, L. L., & Kua, E. H. (2011). Living alone, loneliness, and psychological well-being of older persons in Singapore. Current Gerontology and Geriatrics Research, 2011, 1-9.

Liu, S., Qian, M., & Zhao, X. (2022). Social Media and Validation Seeking: Implications for Mental Health. Cyberpsychology, Behavior, and Social Networking, 25(1), 25-31.

Luhmann, M., & Hawkley, L. C. (2023). Longitudinal changes in loneliness and the role of social relationships. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 40(1), 150-168.

Marwick, A. E., & Boyd, D. (2021). Networked Privacy: How Teenagers Negotiate Context in Social Media. New Media & Society, 23(1), 16-31.

Primack, B. A., Shensa, A., Sidani, J. E., & Radovic, A. (2020). Social media use and perceived social isolation among young adults in the U.S. Social Science & Medicine, 275, 113-122.

Rokach, A. (2023). Loneliness and its impact on the well-being of older adults. International Journal of Aging and Human Development, 97(2), 192-210.

Sbarra, D. A., & Coan, J. A. (2022). Social Media Use and Emotional Well-being: Insights from Recent Research. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 39(2), 197-210.

Seidman, G. (2013). Self-Presentation and Social Media: The Impact of Online Behavior on Social Perceptions. Social Psychological and Personality Science, 4(4), 375-381.

Twenge, J. M., Joiner, T. E., Rogers, M. L., & Martin, G. N. (2021). Trends in Mental Health Symptoms and Disorders Among U.S. Adults During the COVID-19 Pandemic. JAMA Network Open, 4(8), e2125392.

Victor, C. R., & Yang, K. (2012). The prevalence of loneliness among adults: A case study of the United Kingdom. Journal of Psychology, 146(1), 85-104.

Weiss, R. S. (1973). Loneliness: The Experience of Emotional and Social Isolation. The MIT Press.

Williams, J. K., & Frame, P. A. (2024). The impact of social interactions on mental health in older adults. Aging & Mental Health, 28(5), 781-788.